How To Handle Difficult Life Events in a Professional Setting
It’s natural to struggle with coming up with the right thing to say when a coworker experiences a personal crisis or loss. The relationships between coworkers are more complex than a lot of people realize and when something like this happens, that complexity comes to the surface in odd ways. Let’s look at some soft skills examples as they relate to sympathy.
Someone with whom you might share funny details about your home lives suddenly becomes hard to relate to. The relationship might feel awkward, out of the blue. You might find it hard to even look them in the eyes. In life, it’s often easier to share the good times over the bad times, especially in office environments.
Soft Skills Examples
Showing You Care Without Overstepping
The truth is, there’s nothing you can say or do to take away the pain your coworker is feeling. The phrase, “words cannot express” is never truer than right now. In times like this — particularly right after the loss has occurred — one of the best ways you can show you care is with actions.
A terrific way that is often comforting for those who’ve suffered a crisis or loss is with a sympathy card or floral basket. These send the appropriate message without the demand of a verbal interaction that your coworker may not feel capable of having. Even though they may be back at their desk, that doesn’t mean they’re ready to chat with colleagues about anything. They may just want to bury themselves in work, finding a small bit of comfort in knowing that their coworkers care but not having to exchange words.
Offers to Help
Often, people struggle to hold down their job in their grief. For this reason, offers to help at work can be quite meaningful. Not in terms of giving you credit, but in terms of truly helping out a fellow worker who could use a hand. Through no fault of their own, they may be finding it hard to do their job, plain and simple.
Little offers to help may include things like offering to field calls for a day, taking a few tasks out of their inbox, or bringing an extra sandwich and salad back to the office for them so they don’t have to manage their own lunch for the day.
You don’t have to make a big deal out of these gestures. Don’t launch into a big speech, or take this time to share your own grief tales. Just bring back the lunch and place it on their desk, with a simple, “I brought back extra in case you were too busy to go out.” Say, “I’m pretty light on work; I can deal with your calls this morning if you want.”
Don’t Gossip
Don’t stand around and secretly talk about the coworker with other workers. You might think you’re being clandestine, but humans have the ability to pick their name out of a crowd of whispers a mile away. Avoid office gossip. After all, the details are not your business. If the colleague wants to tell you more, they will. Otherwise, just do your job and be willing to listen if they want to talk.
Don’t Make It About You
One of the worst things you can say to someone grieving is, “I know just how you feel.” First of all, you don’t. Everyone processes crises and losses differently. When you say things like that, you diminish that other person’s feelings.
Another phrase to avoid is “The same thing happened to me once.” Even if it feels similar, it isn’t the same. This phrase is the precursor to you making it all about you, telling your story. You aren’t the story right now. It should be all about your work colleague.
The best thing to say if you are in a conversation about it is, “I know a little bit about that. If you want to talk about it, I’m here.” You can even leave out the first part. Just let your coworker know you’re available to listen. That’s enough.
Mastering these kinds of tough interactions not only helps your coworker get back to a good place, but can have a positive impact on the long-term emotional intelligence and resilience of the entire workplace.
AUTHOR BIO: Eric Luoma is President of Cactus Flower Florists, a Scottsdale, Arizona-based floral company that creates the finest floral arrangements, floral designs, gift baskets, and much more. Luoma has more than 20 years of experience in the industry and focuses on providing top-tier floral services to his customers.
You may also like the article on “How to Improve your Soft Skills“.
